Gym, eating... ugh

So I have been making some new friends at church and we had a stake FHE tonight. I had spent 2.5 hours at the gym today at different times and was determined that I was not going to ruin this hard work with eating the delightful treats. So I was sitting by one of my new friends and the activity was "singled out" to get a date or something. One of the questions was are you a junk food junkie or a health food addict. He said he thought I was a health food addict. I was quite surprised and some what delighted. I had to then explain that NO this was a new thing me not pigging out on the deserets, but that I was definitely trying. My personal trainer is kicking my butt each and every time. I tell him almost every time that I hate him and he reminds me that I will love him in June. And seriously how many cute boys that I know do I need to run into at the gym when I am all red, sweaty and gross! Come on.... I guess maybe I need to look at going at a different time. But could I look any grosser. Oh well. I love having to smile and wave as I can barely breathe and my trainer is telling me to keep moving. Oh the joys of working on getting in shape. Someday I will be there and then I won't care about the awkward moments at the gym.

Dadman

For those of you who have not heard my Dad is getting married! I am really excited for him. Vicki is an amazing woman who I already love. They are getting married Feb 21st in the Timpanogos Temple. My dad is selling his house, which is a little hard and they will be living in Alpine... which is closer to me so that makes me happy. Overall I am really excited. Sometimes it is a little hard because the reason my dad can get married is because my mom is gone. But I love Vicki and am grateful for her and the part she is, and is going to play in my life and especially my dad's.

On another note.... I am still awkward. Especially when it comes to boys. And there is sooo much drama always involved with the male species. As I talk to friends in my ward and other singles it just is a complicated mess most of the time. When do you let someone know that you could possible or are interested in them. Do you get to be friends first and then go for being interested? But once you are a friend do you get stuck into the friend zone and possible never be able to make the transition. So many problems and complications. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better to still have arranged marriages, but then I think... No thank you! So I continue to plug along try and figure out how to interact with the male species... to be friends or put the flirt on. And even when the flirt is on.... am I already in the friend zone. :)

Chaos

After many talks with friends and my great therapist who I love it has now been confirmed. I have been creating chaos in my own life because I don't know how to deal with peace, quiet and stability. Is there anyone else out there like this. SO I get involve3d with dumb boys, take on to much and go a little crazy. So while I was talking to my therapist yesterday she wanted to know how I have been creating chaos. So she said list all of the things that you need to get done or that you should be doing. I started rattling them all off. Here is what she wrote down on the list that I was suppose to do in the next 2-3 days..... and then she made me stop talking because she was getting overwhelmed with my list.
1. Teens board - enroll teens in the training
2. Institute Choir with roommate
3. ARTEC - talk to the Bishop
4. Ward activity - non member
5. Friends - making contact with friends that I haven't talked to in a while
6. Work- crisis occurring, procrastinated stuff have a lot to do
7. Thesis
8. Guy from facebook
9. Guy friends
10. Dad
11. Life Coaching
12. gym

At that point she told me to stop. Though there were more things to go on the list. But hey what do you do. This is what I do. I take on to much, don't say no, try and do it all.... so that when I can't accomplish it I can once again say... see ... no good. But things are changing. I crossed things off my list, moved things up a couple of weeks and just started taking charge.

So dear friends, if I tell you no for something... don't be offended. Know that I love you, but that I get to take some time for myself.

Worst Enemy

Do you ever have the epiphany that you are your own worst enemy. I definitely am my own worst enemy. I procrastinate REALLY bad at many things that I need to do. I am indecisive when it comes to personal decisions. I sometimes make decisions that I know are wrong and then kick myself for it. I am really the hardest on myself more then anyone else could ever be and I tend not to forgive myself. I also self sabotage, when I start seeing some success sometimes I just quit. What the heck is that about? The crazy part is I am great at work and accomplish everything I need to and don't sabotage there.

So today I am taking action. I have made decisions that I have been procrastinating and I am sticking to them. I have taken action! I am NOT going to sabotage myself! I will stand strong! I know this sounds lame but I get to write it down and reiterate that I am a strong, capable woman and I can accomplish the things I choose to do in my personal life.